Assalamualaikum. Hi!

i feel so sad lately and i dont know why. i need someone to talk to but i dont really wanna share my personal probs with anybody. i cant hold it all in anymore. feels like its gonna explode in any time. so i decided to spoke with my Creator (Allah SWT) and i cant stop myself from crying. i begged for everything.
i knew things wouldnt always gonna be like what i expected as He is the best planner of all but.............just for once. izinkan lah aku rasa hidup seperti diri aku yang dulu. izinkan lah aku rasa kembali apa itu kebahagiaan. tuhan, tidak banyak aku pinta. cuma sedikit, tuhan. You know myself better than anyone else. You heard all my doa even i didnt mention it in my prayer. bukan aku tidak bersyukur dengan apa yang diberi. bukan juga aku menolak qada dan qadr. cuma berikanlah aku peluang, tuhan.
sampai bila harus aku tahan semua ini? sampai bila harus aku yang mengalah? sampai bila, tuhan..
no matter how hard i try to express my feelings to other ppl....it seems like no one could understand my pain and my sadness better than You. even when they said "aku faham perasaan kau." NO! THEY DIDNT!
they're just curious........and i know that.  thats why i choose to stfu when i have problem and choose to spoke with Allah than anyone else. idk wth is wrong with me. tak cukup ke apa yg aku dah usahakan selama ni? tak cukup ke aku dah mengalah selama ni? tak ada siapa yang nak dengar suara hati aku bercakap. tak ada siapa yang nak dengar pendapat aku jugak. semua keputusan dibuat sendiri tanpa persetujuan daripada aku. kenapa? ini hidup aku, atau orang lain? tak berhakkah aku buat keputusan untuk hidup dan diri aku sendiri? penat. ye aku dah penat sangat. i dont feel like talking to anyone. all i ever wanted to do is sleep. im too sad. too disappointed. i want my old life back. i miss the old me. i miss everything about her. i need her back. why is she running away?

coretan hati yang sedang berkecai berkeping keping bye xoxo




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